I miss letters.
Real letters. Not email, status updates, texts and tweets. I miss the ones that people actually take the time to write by hand and don't have to worry about inventing clever abbreviations to conform to arbitrary character count restrictions.
My husband's cousin recently joined the Army (which is a whole other story), and we mailed him pictures and notes from the kids along with jokes to keep him entertained while he is at Basic. My daughter drew him a beach scene "so he can imagine a relaxing vacation," while my son drew him a giraffe because "giraffes are cool." It was a fun family project, and when we received a heartfelt thank you letter from him yesterday telling us all about his experiences, the kids were thrilled. Letters written by hand create an instant emotional connection across time and distance, one that isn't easily replicated by anything you can send through cyberspace.
I've always been a saver. I keep things that mean a lot to me, and since I've become a mother, I've taken on the task of keeping things that my kids will care about having one day too. One of the things I do is to keep a journal for each of my children, with me talking to their future selves about what it's like being their mother as they grow up. As part of it, I save any letters written to them by their great-grandparents and the like. And as that generation slowly passes, it's so amazing to go back and read their missives of love, introspection and devotion to family.
One of the many things my mother passed down to me was the importance of gratitude. And that it isn't enough just to feel it, but you also need to express it to those who need to know. We're all busy, but a nice note that isn't related to a birthday or Christmas can mean the world to someone.
And you don't have to fit it into 140 characters or less.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Defying Gravity
When I was a kid, I always thought my grown-up life would be simple. I would tool around town in my corvette with my handsome husband, and we would live in a fabulous house. Our children would be well-behaved and clean at all times, and I would have an exciting career as a fashion designer (who happened to model, sing and act) in my spare time.
Eeek. I wanted to grow up to be Barbie.
The reality of it all is, of course, so much different. No one told me how hard it would be to balance work and children, and that if you're going to be amazing in one area, the other one would invariably have to suffer. The sad reality of working motherhood is that I'm often left feeling as though I'm not doing either of them terribly well. I've left important meetings on more than one occasion because a school play beckoned. And I've missed my fair share of field trips and classroom parties because I just couldn't get away. No matter which way those situations end up working out, part of me always feels like my decision should have gone the other way.
In any event, I keep plugging along, doing the best I can, reminding myself that perfection is an unattainable goal. And that even if I was June Cleaver, my kids would find something to blame me for on their future therapists couches. I know this, and yet I still struggle with it.
This past weekend I have found myself at a crossroads, uncertain of which path to take. My life could take a very different turn, all depending on whether or not I choose to take the leap. As I wrestle with my decision, lyrics from Defying Gravity keep running through my head:
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!
and also:
I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
The worst part of being a grown-up is having to make decisions. No matter how old I get, I wish I could just have my mommy tell me what I have to do. Abdicate all responsibility and just be forced to make it work.
The best part of being a grown-up? Getting to eat ice cream for dinner if I want. Hey, I don't deny that responsibility has its perks.
But I still wouldn't mind that Corvette.
Eeek. I wanted to grow up to be Barbie.
The reality of it all is, of course, so much different. No one told me how hard it would be to balance work and children, and that if you're going to be amazing in one area, the other one would invariably have to suffer. The sad reality of working motherhood is that I'm often left feeling as though I'm not doing either of them terribly well. I've left important meetings on more than one occasion because a school play beckoned. And I've missed my fair share of field trips and classroom parties because I just couldn't get away. No matter which way those situations end up working out, part of me always feels like my decision should have gone the other way.
In any event, I keep plugging along, doing the best I can, reminding myself that perfection is an unattainable goal. And that even if I was June Cleaver, my kids would find something to blame me for on their future therapists couches. I know this, and yet I still struggle with it.
This past weekend I have found myself at a crossroads, uncertain of which path to take. My life could take a very different turn, all depending on whether or not I choose to take the leap. As I wrestle with my decision, lyrics from Defying Gravity keep running through my head:
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!
and also:
I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
The worst part of being a grown-up is having to make decisions. No matter how old I get, I wish I could just have my mommy tell me what I have to do. Abdicate all responsibility and just be forced to make it work.
The best part of being a grown-up? Getting to eat ice cream for dinner if I want. Hey, I don't deny that responsibility has its perks.
But I still wouldn't mind that Corvette.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat
My daughter recently brought home a spelling test where she had missed one of the words ("metamorphosis"). I told her that getting 14/15 was great work, and that next time she encountered the word, she'd know how to spell it. She immediately declared that her score "didn't matter", and that spelling tests were not about how many you get right or wrong, but how good you felt about herself after taking one.
Now while I totally subscribe to the high self-esteem school of teaching (and parenting), I couldn't let that pass without comment. And I immediately informed her that, while I hated to burst her bubble, tests (by definition) were entirely about how many you get wrong or right. And that her goal should be to get a perfect score every time. It didn't mean that she would always be perfect, but that it's okay for her to strive for it.
It's human nature to be competitive. That's how we've managed to evolve as a species-- survival of the fittest and all of that. When the metaphorical music stops, you want to make sure you're not the one who is stuck without a chair.
And yet, we spend so much time teaching our children not to to be competitive-- to be gracious in both victory and defeat. And while that is a worthy goal, it's also entirely okay to be absolutely not okay about losing (and to be thrilled with winning). I guarantee you that all of the wonderful Olympic athletes we're watching over these next 2 weeks know what it means to want to win. And to experience that level of success at anything you do, you need an internal voice that makes you always want to be better.
To be clear, I'm talking about competitiveness, not jealousy. There is always going to be someone who has a bigger house, nicer car, and a smaller dress size. Your boss is always going to be less competent than you are, and you will always have the friend who lucked into being a trust fund baby while you live paycheck to paycheck. It's just how the world works. Jealousy is a worthless emotion because it doesn't get you anywhere. You can only affect yourself and what you do with your life. And what other people have has no bearing on what you can ultimately achieve.
But competitiveness, well, that's a different story. It's an old adage in sports that the greatest athletes hate losing more than they love winning. It's okay to strive to be the best at something, and it's okay to want to succeed. And it's really okay to be devastated when things don't work out the way you wanted them to.
I don't want my children to think they can't make mistakes, or they always have to be the best. That is simply setting them up for failure because no one is perfect and no one is the best at everything. But at the same time I want them to know it's okay for perfection to be the goal, and that in the real world, results (and not just effort) matter.
It's a tricky balance, one that I'm still trying to master.
Now while I totally subscribe to the high self-esteem school of teaching (and parenting), I couldn't let that pass without comment. And I immediately informed her that, while I hated to burst her bubble, tests (by definition) were entirely about how many you get wrong or right. And that her goal should be to get a perfect score every time. It didn't mean that she would always be perfect, but that it's okay for her to strive for it.
It's human nature to be competitive. That's how we've managed to evolve as a species-- survival of the fittest and all of that. When the metaphorical music stops, you want to make sure you're not the one who is stuck without a chair.
And yet, we spend so much time teaching our children not to to be competitive-- to be gracious in both victory and defeat. And while that is a worthy goal, it's also entirely okay to be absolutely not okay about losing (and to be thrilled with winning). I guarantee you that all of the wonderful Olympic athletes we're watching over these next 2 weeks know what it means to want to win. And to experience that level of success at anything you do, you need an internal voice that makes you always want to be better.
To be clear, I'm talking about competitiveness, not jealousy. There is always going to be someone who has a bigger house, nicer car, and a smaller dress size. Your boss is always going to be less competent than you are, and you will always have the friend who lucked into being a trust fund baby while you live paycheck to paycheck. It's just how the world works. Jealousy is a worthless emotion because it doesn't get you anywhere. You can only affect yourself and what you do with your life. And what other people have has no bearing on what you can ultimately achieve.
But competitiveness, well, that's a different story. It's an old adage in sports that the greatest athletes hate losing more than they love winning. It's okay to strive to be the best at something, and it's okay to want to succeed. And it's really okay to be devastated when things don't work out the way you wanted them to.
I don't want my children to think they can't make mistakes, or they always have to be the best. That is simply setting them up for failure because no one is perfect and no one is the best at everything. But at the same time I want them to know it's okay for perfection to be the goal, and that in the real world, results (and not just effort) matter.
It's a tricky balance, one that I'm still trying to master.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Things I don't understand
1. Why the odds of torrential rain are directly proportional to: a) whether or not I have brought an umbrella, b) if it's either school drop off, lunch, or school pick up time and c)I've just flat ironed my hair.
2. Why my children are incapable of sleeping in past 6am, unless it's a school day and we need to get out of the house quickly. In which case, nothing can wake them.
3. Why my son loves bean and cheese burritos one day, only to firmly declare that he hates all things that start with "B" and won't eat them the next.
4. Why all my favorite shows are on at exactly the same day and time, requiring an advanced engineering degree for me to figure out how to DVR them all.
5. Why vampires are appealing (as I watch old Buffy episodes on DVD and clutch my Twilight series books).
6. Who Heidi and Spencer are, and why they are famous. Ditto assorted Kardashians.
7. Why it's inevitable that if we only have one must-attend event on our calendar in a given month, someone else will inevitably schedule their own soiree for the very same night and time.
8. Why the only times I remember to bring a video camera to an event is when the battery is dead.
9. Why the very idea of not being able to have something makes me want it more. Even if I never wanted it to begin with.
10. Why I need to plan summer camp for my children when it's still Winter.
And the list goes on and on. The list of things I don't know far surpasses the things that I do. So I'm just going to keep plugging away the best that I know how to do, trying to figure it all out the best that I can.
Except for the Kardashian thing. I really don't think I want to know.
2. Why my children are incapable of sleeping in past 6am, unless it's a school day and we need to get out of the house quickly. In which case, nothing can wake them.
3. Why my son loves bean and cheese burritos one day, only to firmly declare that he hates all things that start with "B" and won't eat them the next.
4. Why all my favorite shows are on at exactly the same day and time, requiring an advanced engineering degree for me to figure out how to DVR them all.
5. Why vampires are appealing (as I watch old Buffy episodes on DVD and clutch my Twilight series books).
6. Who Heidi and Spencer are, and why they are famous. Ditto assorted Kardashians.
7. Why it's inevitable that if we only have one must-attend event on our calendar in a given month, someone else will inevitably schedule their own soiree for the very same night and time.
8. Why the only times I remember to bring a video camera to an event is when the battery is dead.
9. Why the very idea of not being able to have something makes me want it more. Even if I never wanted it to begin with.
10. Why I need to plan summer camp for my children when it's still Winter.
And the list goes on and on. The list of things I don't know far surpasses the things that I do. So I'm just going to keep plugging away the best that I know how to do, trying to figure it all out the best that I can.
Except for the Kardashian thing. I really don't think I want to know.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Five. In no particular order.
By request, from people who know who they are. This blog entry reserves the right to self destruct in 5-4-3-2...
1. Jon Hamm. Perfection. Makes me love Don Draper, no matter how awful he is to his wife.
2. Greg Vaughan. Beautiful man, inside and out. And proof positive that the state of Texas can produce some amazing things. He's such a sweetheart that I forgive him for his terrible taste in football teams.
3. Mark Sanchez. Amazing athlete, good family, Southern California boy. If only I were about 15 years younger...
4. Hugh Jackman. He sings and dances! He has an accent! Family man!And he's a superhero to boot (oh wait, I guess that's just in the movies).
5. Colin Firth. He's been described as "the thinking woman's sex symbol." All I know is that from the moment I saw him in Pride and Prejudice, he locked up a permanent place in my heart (and on my list).
1. Jon Hamm. Perfection. Makes me love Don Draper, no matter how awful he is to his wife.
2. Greg Vaughan. Beautiful man, inside and out. And proof positive that the state of Texas can produce some amazing things. He's such a sweetheart that I forgive him for his terrible taste in football teams.
3. Mark Sanchez. Amazing athlete, good family, Southern California boy. If only I were about 15 years younger...
4. Hugh Jackman. He sings and dances! He has an accent! Family man!And he's a superhero to boot (oh wait, I guess that's just in the movies).
5. Colin Firth. He's been described as "the thinking woman's sex symbol." All I know is that from the moment I saw him in Pride and Prejudice, he locked up a permanent place in my heart (and on my list).
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Everyone is a little LOST
LOST has started its final season, and I am as excited as a kid on Christmas morning. Since the moment Jack Shepherd opened his eyes and found himself on that mysterious island, I have been completely taken in. It's the only show that literally makes me gasp, and count down the days until the next episode. And it's also the only show that my husband and I love equally, so not only do we watch it together (in close to as real time as possible, given the proclivities of small children to want to postpone their bedtimes), but we love to talk about it afterward.
Sure, I love the drama, the characterizations and the plot twists, but what has always really captured my imagination are the higher level themes. LOST has never been a show that was just about people trying to get off (and then back to) an island. The island (or "this rock" as Sawyer referred to it last night) has always been a metaphor for our world. And the issues the show explores-- the non-linear nature of time, good vs evil, reason vs faith, destiny vs free will-- are ones that our greatest philosophers and theologians have been tackling since the beginning of civilization.
So what have we learned thus far in the gospel according to LOST? I think the biggest thing is that good vs evil isn't so black and white. The early seasons were all about the mysterious (and supposedly evil) "Others." But at one point last season, the Lostaways realized that their Others had their own "Others" to battle, and that it was all really just a matter of perspective. Perspective and the nature of reality are themes that I love to explore in my own writing, and have been the subject of many a friendly dinner-time debate in my house. Through the backstory device that the show has brilliantly utilized throughout the seasons, context matters. No one is all good or all bad. We are absolutely shaped by our experiences, and even the best of us with the best intentions can fall victim to bad choices and negative influences. What matters is how we react to these situations, and how we move forward.
WARNING: if you haven't watched last night's show, I'm about to discuss the first 10 minutes. Don't yell at me if it's still on your DVR. You can stop reading now and come back after you've watched. I won't be mad. Promise.
And now for the issue of free will versus destiny. Can we forge our own path? Or are our fates pre-determined? We learned last night that the bomb worked (as Juliet tried to tell Sawyer), and that the Oceanic flight does land in LAX. But we also know that three years in the future, our favorite Lostaways are somehow still on the island. Which would lead us to believe that even if certain things had never happened, and even if that original plane never crashed, those particular people were destined to be on that island. And this season will hopefully show us how they end up back there and how the timelines connect. Because if those people don't end up on that island, the personal journeys we've watched them take never happened, and they are as "lost" as ever. Essentially, the age-old idea of those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.
So what do I think the show is about? The idea these people are lost literally and figuratively. They need to go through these experiences to learn, grown, evolve and come out as better people on the other end. And that while there's no changing what happened in the past (or "dead is dead" as Faraday said last season), you absolutely have control over your future. And that in the end, there is no one answer-- and that faith, reason, good, bad, self-determination and fate all merge together to create our collective destinies.
Which is all well and good, but can Sun and Jin reunite already? Geesh.
Sure, I love the drama, the characterizations and the plot twists, but what has always really captured my imagination are the higher level themes. LOST has never been a show that was just about people trying to get off (and then back to) an island. The island (or "this rock" as Sawyer referred to it last night) has always been a metaphor for our world. And the issues the show explores-- the non-linear nature of time, good vs evil, reason vs faith, destiny vs free will-- are ones that our greatest philosophers and theologians have been tackling since the beginning of civilization.
So what have we learned thus far in the gospel according to LOST? I think the biggest thing is that good vs evil isn't so black and white. The early seasons were all about the mysterious (and supposedly evil) "Others." But at one point last season, the Lostaways realized that their Others had their own "Others" to battle, and that it was all really just a matter of perspective. Perspective and the nature of reality are themes that I love to explore in my own writing, and have been the subject of many a friendly dinner-time debate in my house. Through the backstory device that the show has brilliantly utilized throughout the seasons, context matters. No one is all good or all bad. We are absolutely shaped by our experiences, and even the best of us with the best intentions can fall victim to bad choices and negative influences. What matters is how we react to these situations, and how we move forward.
WARNING: if you haven't watched last night's show, I'm about to discuss the first 10 minutes. Don't yell at me if it's still on your DVR. You can stop reading now and come back after you've watched. I won't be mad. Promise.
And now for the issue of free will versus destiny. Can we forge our own path? Or are our fates pre-determined? We learned last night that the bomb worked (as Juliet tried to tell Sawyer), and that the Oceanic flight does land in LAX. But we also know that three years in the future, our favorite Lostaways are somehow still on the island. Which would lead us to believe that even if certain things had never happened, and even if that original plane never crashed, those particular people were destined to be on that island. And this season will hopefully show us how they end up back there and how the timelines connect. Because if those people don't end up on that island, the personal journeys we've watched them take never happened, and they are as "lost" as ever. Essentially, the age-old idea of those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.
So what do I think the show is about? The idea these people are lost literally and figuratively. They need to go through these experiences to learn, grown, evolve and come out as better people on the other end. And that while there's no changing what happened in the past (or "dead is dead" as Faraday said last season), you absolutely have control over your future. And that in the end, there is no one answer-- and that faith, reason, good, bad, self-determination and fate all merge together to create our collective destinies.
Which is all well and good, but can Sun and Jin reunite already? Geesh.
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